Officials with Clipboards
Doorbell rang early Saturday morning, am not at my best in the mornings, and especially not Saturdays, so rather rattily answered the door. An official looking gent with clipboard. After verifying my name as lawful occupant, he said that a new rail link for the Olympic games would be running directly beneath my street and it would be necessary for me to vacate my property within 24 hours as an engineer and workman would be arriving first thing Monday morning to remove floorboards and do some drilling into the soil beneath my property. I naturally went slightly ballistic, and had a big rant and rave as he droned on about officially informing me etc. etc. He then pushed his clipboard under my nose and to sign a document. Just above the signature space was the message in large green letters “Jessica wishes you Happy 1st April”……………………I’m gonna kill her.
Doorbell rang early Saturday morning, am not at my best in the mornings, and especially not Saturdays, so rather rattily answered the door. An official looking gent with clipboard. After verifying my name as lawful occupant, he said that a new rail link for the Olympic games would be running directly beneath my street and it would be necessary for me to vacate my property within 24 hours as an engineer and workman would be arriving first thing Monday morning to remove floorboards and do some drilling into the soil beneath my property. I naturally went slightly ballistic, and had a big rant and rave as he droned on about officially informing me etc. etc. He then pushed his clipboard under my nose and to sign a document. Just above the signature space was the message in large green letters “Jessica wishes you Happy 1st April”……………………I’m gonna kill her.
posted by SheBah at 4:42 AM
13 Comments:
I have long held the view that doors just shouldn't be opened willy nilly, nor phones answered. On the other hand, har- you got served!
next year she'll be in the merde. I'm planning it already! She should be very afraid.
Whoa! That am a good one! Me am impressed with you friend SexyB.
Me going to steal idea for next year.
Monstee - I can't get into your comments box on your site. Let me in!
So, are they not putting in a subway link for the Olympics then? Because it was on the TV. I wouldn't open that Champagne just yet.
Is there an 'I' in Champaigne or not? I can't decide.
I saw a singing telegram once, a Tarzan-a-gram or something. At the end of his song and dance he picked up the recipient, a big boned girl, and a bystander neer me said; "Hey, that cunt really IS Tarzan!"
I was QUOTING! it's not profanity.
Now a tarzan-o-gram I would have liked - a nice muscley hunk with oiled pecs and no brains, perfect for Saturday morning brunch.
His brunch or yours?
A mutual bit of brunching.
Reminds me of a tale of a jolly friend of mine who was temping during school hols. and a rather oily manager though he'd embarrass her by showing her a porno magazine pic of a very well endowed black guy........her response was,........ mmmmmmmm, Lunch!
He was the embarrassed one!
Tarzan is overrated, Sexy. He tried to be a gorilla and couldn't do it. The one good thing about being a policeman is that you can arrest people who knock on your door.
"Good morning, Sir......"
"You're under arrest."
Is GB a cop? Uniforms, oh yeah!
ummm, uniformmmmsss...tight uniforms stretched across the chest, with long batons.....
I was once served with a court order on April 1 for accidentally poisoning a flock of sheep with an experimental anti-parasitic drug. Sensing that this might be an attempt at an April fool, I invited the official into my caravan and offered him a cup of tea. But inside the tea I placed a dead tapeworm. The official spat out the tapeworm and started screaming that I had infected him. When I pointed out that he was an April fool to believe that a dead tapworm was actually infectious he saw the funny side and was actually laughing when he served the order. We parted on good terms, but the court order was sadly for real. I was forced to move on and never return to that village.
Very, very good.
And inspiring.
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