Friday, July 28, 2006

Builder Bums

The house we have moved to is a “fixer upper”. We decided to make the bathroom our first job – big mistake! The love interest fell for the patter of a very slick Sikh builder who gave us a medium quote. He promised the bathroom would be replaced in seven days, and only one of those days would be without a shower and loo! Ha! 16 days later and the main builder went home to India yesterday – for a month’s vacation, and his mate disappeared with him. The mate couldn’t speak any English, only Punjabi, and he was the hard worker, with the slick Sikh giving the orders. They fortunately left the old loo connected, but no shower, bath or basin, and cold water only in the kitchen. No electrics either, as they removed the fittings in preparation for the new downlighters. They have also left all their tools – are they expecting us to wait a month til they return? The love interest has also paid them two thirds of the money, as he is a trusting, easy going type of chap, but only about a third of the work is done. So we are falling on the mercy of friends for showering facilities, plus the local tennis and golf clubs, as the love interest needs several showers a day in this humid weather. At least I am in an air conditioned office!

If this is our very first experience with builders, how are we going to cope with the rest. We need new windows, new floors, new kitchen, doors moved, new cloakroom, new shower room off the bedroom, electrics – dystopia looms! And I thought this was going to be fun! I said so! I got the love interest all enthused when we viewed this place! It’s all my fault. Builders are the pits.


Blogger fatmammycat said...

I am copying and sending your entire post to the paramour this very instant!
Poor old love, get someone else in to finish the job, you can't be without showers and stuff for a whole month. Sell the tools and when they come looking for them speak only in pidgeon Irish and shrug a lot.
It is what they deserve.

5:17 AM  
Blogger Dr Maroon said...

Will I do you a quote love?

Cheers, milk no sugar.

1:31 PM  
Blogger Dr Joseph McCrumble said...

Oh dear. You have my sympathy. See what you can get for their tools on ebay then launch proceedings in the small claims court. If that doesn't get any results go to Watchdog.

4:26 AM  
Blogger R. Sherman said...

If you were here, I'd send my secretary's husband around. He owns a home decorating remodeling firm and is first rate.

I hope you didn't pay the schmoh in advance.

Cheers and good luck.

8:47 AM  
Blogger LindyK said...

Oh honey -- that's awful. Being without your own shower is the pits. On the upside, at least you have a bargaining chip if you've got their tools... or something to brain them with when they return, the bastards.

6:32 PM  
Blogger SafeTinspector said...

Now me, I'd dig a small pit in the front yard, toss in all the tools they left behind and then take turns with my significant other at alternately urinating and defecating on them.
It is key that you videotape yourself at this activity.
When done, fill the pit in with dirt and a sign stating: "Phosphorous Tool Enrichment Facility"

When the Sikh and his accolytes return, make sure you tape their reaction (which will likely be anticlimactic since they won't know what the hell phosphorous enrichment might mean in this context) and then beat them about the head and shoulders with a bent pipe.

Feign surprise when they die from the head trauma. Carefully position their bodies to make it appear as if they were digging for their tools.

You can thank me later.

7:56 AM  
Blogger SafeTinspector said...

(over here we call them "contractors", and it matters not their ethnicity, your experience is the stereotype. Half-finished job, long absences, money up front. All you need is to find some empty beer bottles.)

8:02 AM  
Blogger Kieran said...

I know those two lads. Gone to India my arse. They're down my local every night, laughing in their nasal cockney tones about the latest "sucker" they've just fleeced. Don't worry, I'll fix it.

7:25 AM  
Blogger Daphne Wayne-Bough said...

Get a Pole in. They are good workers. And cheap.

SafeT - there's no point beating a Sikh around the head with anything. That's why they wear turbans.

9:52 AM  
Blogger SheBah said...

I'm looking for a pole at the moment.

4:03 AM  
Blogger AntToeKnee said...

Get another set of builders in and offer to pay them with the tools of the last lot. When the others return tell them that you have never seen them before and that the house needs no work doing on it thank you. If they return look fearful, point skyward and repeat "he is coming" in a distressed tone.

Always works for me.

4:33 AM  
Blogger Gentleman-hobbs said...

Avoid those with an arse crease you can park your bike in, they tend to have a minimal work ethic.

2:39 PM  
Blogger EmmaK said...

Oh you poor poor thing. Never give builders two thirds of the money until they are two thirds of the way through. I hope they come back.

8:06 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home